Ladies and gentlemen... with the firing of Ned Yost, your man and mine has ascended to the pinnacle of Major League Baseball coaching. Introducing Dale "Send-em-home" Sveum, Manager of the Milwaukee Brewers!
Lefty... you still there?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, April 27, 2007
He's got the Key
"I am willing to be a hero in the dark." -Hideki Okajima
Profound words from the soft-spoken Japanese set-up man. As anyone who saw last weekend's sox-yanks series can attest to this kid has "it". He flat out can pitch. Some might say, who gives a shit about a middle reliever? Well when this middle reliever holds the keys to winning the division and eventually a 2nd world series in 4 years, I give a shit.
The emergence of Okajima coupled with the seemingly ageless Mike Timlin and the re-emergence (god I hope) of '02 Brendan Donnelly gives the Red Sox three high quality set-up men to bridge the gap to Papelbon. How many teams around the league can claim to have ONE quality set-up man, let alone three? Watching the sox come back in each of three games last weekend certainly set the tone for who had the edge in the bullpen. Seeing Joe Torre squirm and panic IN APRIL by going to Mo (god rest his career) in the 8th and then throwing Andy Pettite in relief was ultra-gratifying in a sense that we can finally lay to rest the past ghosts of the stantons, nelsons, wettelands, and riveras of yesteryear that made those yankee teams so incredibly successful. Coming from someone who suffered through the debacle of the '03 red sox "Committee", Id be terribly worried if i was a yankee fan.
Right now, the Red Sox bullpen shuts the door and the yanks pen opens a new one. Its the end of April and already the Yankees pen is overworked. Scott Proctor might need a robotic arm by the time August rolls around.
A quick word on Phil Hughes: I hope we see him in October so the Red Sox can make him pull a Brad Lidge and completely demoralize him to point where he never pitches again. Throw him out there in game 3 of the ALCS and watch Papi and Manny crush his dreams to point where he doubts himself deep in his soul. Hello Rick Ankiel part 2?
Seriously though, he looked alrite last night. You can tell hes got talent (most top rated prospects do) but im not overly wow'ed. Then again my tears from the Mark Prior surgery news might have blinded me.
-Hideki Okajima-san The Lefty Specialist
Profound words from the soft-spoken Japanese set-up man. As anyone who saw last weekend's sox-yanks series can attest to this kid has "it". He flat out can pitch. Some might say, who gives a shit about a middle reliever? Well when this middle reliever holds the keys to winning the division and eventually a 2nd world series in 4 years, I give a shit.
The emergence of Okajima coupled with the seemingly ageless Mike Timlin and the re-emergence (god I hope) of '02 Brendan Donnelly gives the Red Sox three high quality set-up men to bridge the gap to Papelbon. How many teams around the league can claim to have ONE quality set-up man, let alone three? Watching the sox come back in each of three games last weekend certainly set the tone for who had the edge in the bullpen. Seeing Joe Torre squirm and panic IN APRIL by going to Mo (god rest his career) in the 8th and then throwing Andy Pettite in relief was ultra-gratifying in a sense that we can finally lay to rest the past ghosts of the stantons, nelsons, wettelands, and riveras of yesteryear that made those yankee teams so incredibly successful. Coming from someone who suffered through the debacle of the '03 red sox "Committee", Id be terribly worried if i was a yankee fan.
Right now, the Red Sox bullpen shuts the door and the yanks pen opens a new one. Its the end of April and already the Yankees pen is overworked. Scott Proctor might need a robotic arm by the time August rolls around.
A quick word on Phil Hughes: I hope we see him in October so the Red Sox can make him pull a Brad Lidge and completely demoralize him to point where he never pitches again. Throw him out there in game 3 of the ALCS and watch Papi and Manny crush his dreams to point where he doubts himself deep in his soul. Hello Rick Ankiel part 2?
Seriously though, he looked alrite last night. You can tell hes got talent (most top rated prospects do) but im not overly wow'ed. Then again my tears from the Mark Prior surgery news might have blinded me.
-Hideki Okajima-san The Lefty Specialist
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Strong to... quite strong?
Okayyyy... the Yankees submitted a thoroughly shitty performance, highlighted by Torre batting DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ in the TWO SLOT. Nope, no typo there. But let's look at Phil Hughes' line:
4.1IP 7H 4ER 1BB 5K (90 Pitches)
Showing signs of adrenaline and nerves in the first, he allowed two runs on a Rios single and stolen base, a MAMMOTH double by Wells (probably the worst pitch he threw all night) and a single by Thomas. In between those scoring plays, however, he struck out Adam Lind HANDILY on an elevated fastball. He also retired Overbay and Hill on groundouts to end the inning.
He opened the second with two straight strikeouts, Smith on an elevated fastball and Jason Phillips on a narsty-looking curve. I think this is where we started to see how he is capable of overpowering hitters.
My thoughts are that (1) even though he was hamstrung by his pitchcount, he went after each hitter very aggressively, only walking one batter (Overbay in the top of the 4th). (2) His preference is to get two strikes with low fastballs at 90-92 on the corners and curveballs, then elevate and dial up his fastball to 95-96 for the K. (3) His mechanics out of the stretch are strikingly similar to maybe the best pitcher of all time, Roger Clemens. (As YES pointed out, but I SWEAR I thought of it first)... EXCEPT for one crucial point.
The Rocket has been able to have a career that will most likely go into his 23rd major league season primarily due to his remarkable training regimen AND perfect mechanics. Due to his early career shoulder injury, Clemens altered his mechanics to take much of the stress of pitching off of his arm by strengthening his trunk and generating his arm speed with his tremendous legs. Every pitcher does this to varying degrees, except Mark Redman (who has the worst mechanics in major league baseball), but Clemens turned it into an art form. Hughes, while resembling the Rocket's mechanics, does not fully extend his back leg and get the full "push" off the rubber that Clemens does. What does this mean for his future development? I have no idea. There doesn't appear to be much injury history, but then again the Yankees have brought him along so slowly, he hasn't had the opportunity to get hurt. His velocity is consistent, except when he needs extra, so perhaps that is when the maximum effort will be obtained from his legs.
Overall? This was impressive just to see a Yankee rookie not walk the goddamned ballpark. I truly think Hughes' K numbers will be maintained in the bigs, since his stuff and feel for it was demonstrated clearly, even without the clear cut results you'd like.
HAIL HUGHES!
-RJ
4.1IP 7H 4ER 1BB 5K (90 Pitches)
Showing signs of adrenaline and nerves in the first, he allowed two runs on a Rios single and stolen base, a MAMMOTH double by Wells (probably the worst pitch he threw all night) and a single by Thomas. In between those scoring plays, however, he struck out Adam Lind HANDILY on an elevated fastball. He also retired Overbay and Hill on groundouts to end the inning.
He opened the second with two straight strikeouts, Smith on an elevated fastball and Jason Phillips on a narsty-looking curve. I think this is where we started to see how he is capable of overpowering hitters.
My thoughts are that (1) even though he was hamstrung by his pitchcount, he went after each hitter very aggressively, only walking one batter (Overbay in the top of the 4th). (2) His preference is to get two strikes with low fastballs at 90-92 on the corners and curveballs, then elevate and dial up his fastball to 95-96 for the K. (3) His mechanics out of the stretch are strikingly similar to maybe the best pitcher of all time, Roger Clemens. (As YES pointed out, but I SWEAR I thought of it first)... EXCEPT for one crucial point.
The Rocket has been able to have a career that will most likely go into his 23rd major league season primarily due to his remarkable training regimen AND perfect mechanics. Due to his early career shoulder injury, Clemens altered his mechanics to take much of the stress of pitching off of his arm by strengthening his trunk and generating his arm speed with his tremendous legs. Every pitcher does this to varying degrees, except Mark Redman (who has the worst mechanics in major league baseball), but Clemens turned it into an art form. Hughes, while resembling the Rocket's mechanics, does not fully extend his back leg and get the full "push" off the rubber that Clemens does. What does this mean for his future development? I have no idea. There doesn't appear to be much injury history, but then again the Yankees have brought him along so slowly, he hasn't had the opportunity to get hurt. His velocity is consistent, except when he needs extra, so perhaps that is when the maximum effort will be obtained from his legs.
Overall? This was impressive just to see a Yankee rookie not walk the goddamned ballpark. I truly think Hughes' K numbers will be maintained in the bigs, since his stuff and feel for it was demonstrated clearly, even without the clear cut results you'd like.
HAIL HUGHES!
-RJ
Coming to a stadium near you!
One man has the hopes of an entire generation of fans on his shoulders.
One man can cure the ills of a season unfulfilled.
One man... can change the AL East.
PHILIP HUGHES as PHIL HUGHES in:
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Opening tonite, 4/26/07.
Post-game reaction to follow.
-RJ
One man can cure the ills of a season unfulfilled.
One man... can change the AL East.
PHILIP HUGHES as PHIL HUGHES in:
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
Opening tonite, 4/26/07.
Post-game reaction to follow.
-RJ
Friday, April 20, 2007
Curt Schilling is Fat, Part II
Well we're back, freshly armed with delicious 7-11 taquitos. On with the blog:
9:07: Top of the seventh at Fenway, and as pink-hatted Boston sluts wipe their cheaply adorned faces clean of semen, Schilling deals to Johnny Damon. JC Romero warms in the bullpen, as Schilling wonders what snappy comeback he'll have for the press after the game. Damon down on strikes with Schilling's 98th pitch of the night.
9:09: Nice play by Lugo to his glove side, Bill James immediately inflates his range factor by 10. Jeter out at first, Abreu down swinging, taquito down chewing. Bottom of the 7th.
9:14: I don't know how they do it, I don't care how they do it, but those taquitos are sex in pseudo-ethnic food form. Varitek singles against Pettitte, who threw 7 pitches in the 6th. I hate Jason Varitek. In a related story, this game is most likely not over with the score as it is now. Would like to see another 6-10 runs from the Yanks. Noone warming for the Yanks, as Count Chocula starts his long career of annoying me by fouling off pitches. Michael Kay missed a popup to the booth, and John Flaherty is giving him shit about it... endless fun with overweight, overblown TV announcers.
9:17: Crisp beats out a high throw from ARod. Fuck it, give him the error. Didn't set himself, should've thrown to second. Gator Guidry out to talk to Pettitte. Two men on for powerhouse Wily Mo Pena, pinch hitting for Eckstein Pedroia. I smell a comeback. FUCK.
9:20: Wily Mo whiffs on a high change, 0-2. Pettitte toying with outside cutters... should be thinking about high fastball here, although he wants double play. Andy JUUUUST missed with a backdoor cutter... Randy Marsh strikes again. A rare non-seated Joe Torre shot in the dugout... Andy's gone if he doesn't get Pena here. Happy birthday to Don Mattingly, btw. WHIIIIIFFAH for Wily Mo and Andy collects the K. Big time players make big time plays, that's all I have to say about that. Torre out to collect his veteran lefty, the Proctologist coming in to face Lugo.
9:25: Tenth game for Proctor, Yanks have played 15. Something tells me he'll be hitting 100 innings again. I like him though, he's got a mistress in my hometown of SI. He induces Lugo to pop up to right. Kevin "the only Jewish Greek Major Leaguer" Youklis at the dish. He pops out to the fourth person in the holy trinity (or would it be quadrangle?), and ARod puts it away. 5-2 Janks, top eight.
9:35: JC Romero out as official sacrificial lamb of the Sawx 'pen. ARod continues his ungodliness by rapping a double down the line and the Giambino knocks him in with a flare to right. Few would take the extra base on JD Drew, but ARod caught him calculating exactly how much he fucked the Dodgers last year and took home. Nice baserunning there, as Kevin "Black Bubba Crosby" Thompson comes in to run for Giambi. A fielder's choice from Nieves drops Thompson at second, Cano facing the funky lefty now, cracking a line single off of the wall in left. Pink-hatted whores leave the game to turn a quick trick on Landsdowne street before heading back to Southie.
9:39: Kyle Snyder, doing his best Bronson Arroyo impersonation, right down to the unwashed hair, comes in. Melky up with men on first and third, he looks a liiiiiittle lost out there. Two terrible swings later, it's 0-2. Brim-high fastball strikes him out, 2 down with 2 on.
9:45: Mintkayvitz up, as Kay pimps his interview with Quentin Tarantino on "Awkward Conversations with People More Famous Than Me aka: Centerstage." George must've been high on oxygen when he approved that nonsense. Minty walks, Damon up with the bases juiced. As I recall, I was more afraid of Damon with the bases loaded when he was on the Sawx than anyone else besides Papi or ManRam. Something about putting the ball in play consistently... anyway, he bats .407 with the bases loaded. Jus showed a clip of a game in 2004 when he hit a grand slam off of Javier Vazquez. Kay said it was from the ALCS of that year, but that can't be right, because they cancelled it after Game 6. Damon grounds out and we are through seven and a half.
9:49: Taquitos make their presence known to my stomach. My stomach is having none of their Mexican antics. Tomfoolery ensues.
9:51: Mike "But I'm Left-Handed, Coach!" Myers in to face Ortiz, who greets him with a smash into left center. Papi then hilariously tumbles into second base in a good imitation of a drunk father of four at the company softball game. Myers hits the showers, having failed at doing the one thing the Yankees have him on the roster for. Thanks, Mike! Luis Vizcaino coming in, and I would be stupid not to mention that the odds of a two-run ManRam blast just went up 300%.
9:55: Strikes one and two sail by the comatose Ramirez, who looks like he would like to be anywhere but on a baseball field right now. Mariano warming in the 'pen. Interesting.
9:57: Vizcaino has now gone 3-2 on Manny. I, for one, don't trust this guy. He has Jay Witasick written all over him. Aaaand he walked him. Gator adjusts his 'stache and heads out to talk. JD Drew stops counting his money in the dugout and comes out for an AB. Cano throws him out on a grounder and there's one away.
10:00: Lowell out there now, Flaherty actually being very insightful, talking about how he only has pull power, and that they should keep the ball away from him. He grounds one past a suddenly immobile, diving Rodriguez and Ortiz scores. 6-3 Janks and my ass puckers just a little bit. They are going to Rivera. WOW. This game clearly very important, probably with upcoming pitching matchups being what they are.
10:03: Showing clips of Marco Scutaro hitting his first homerun in two years off Mariano not the right segue into this inning. Varitek stands in against the best reliever in the history of baseball. In a related story, the Yankees don't have any saves, which is killing my fantasy team. I need to focus here.
10:05: Mo showing that two-seamer he's been tinkering with for three years now, seems to have it working. Tek down 1-2. Rips a single into right and I'm swearing out loud. Completely predictably, Coco Crisp rips a two RBI triple into right, tying the game. Mariano is now 0-2 on save opportunities. Cora hit, 7-6 Red Sox. This is officially ridiculous. Cora caught stealing and Mariano is completely out of it, just threw one to the backstop. Papelbon not warming in the 'pen as Mariano strikes out Lugo. Okajima to pitch the 9th.
10:12: Due up? Jeter, Abreu, ARod. Nah, it'll never happen. No way will the Yankees come back. Not against a Japanese lefthanded reliever.
10:15: Here we go, Hideki Okajima (not a typo) pitching the 9th. 8Ks in 6.1 IP, I am not optimistic. Joel Pineiro warming in case there's any trouble. Which is like saying they'll bring in Mengele for a surgical consult. This Okajima fellow looks ABOUT thirteen years old. Bounces one to Jeter, replay shows that he DOESN'T LOOK AT HOME PLATE when he releases the ball. Scary.
10:18: 2-0 to the Cap'n. Terry Francona smiling in the dugout... he's a real smug prick. Jeter grounds out to second. Abreu coming up.
10:19: No way Abreu gets on and ARod hits a home run... no way. 1-0 to El Commanduce (actual John Sterling nickname, btw). Nasty slider has Abreu down 1-2. Abreu has balls of steel, watching a fastball brush by the outside corner, 3-2.
10:22: He walked him!! (!!) ARod up against whoever Francona decides to let face him. Gonna let the lefty handle him... 0-1. 1-1 on a not-so-close outside fastball. 2-1 on a nickel curve out past the outside corner. 3-1 on a curveball, gonna walk him for Kevin Thomson, Torre will counter with Josh Phelps. 3-2 on a nasty looking curveball over the inside corner. Very odd pitch selection. Line drive at Alex Cora, 2 outs. ::Sigh:: Kevin Thompson will bat, so Torre waves the white flag apparently. What a oddly managed fucking game out of Torre, and now I'm pissed. In retrospect, having a moment while Kevin Thompson prolongs my agony, Torre doesn't have anyone else to catch, so he needs Phelps to pinch hit for Nieves, can't use DH if you make him a catcher. Fuck you, Red Sox.
9:07: Top of the seventh at Fenway, and as pink-hatted Boston sluts wipe their cheaply adorned faces clean of semen, Schilling deals to Johnny Damon. JC Romero warms in the bullpen, as Schilling wonders what snappy comeback he'll have for the press after the game. Damon down on strikes with Schilling's 98th pitch of the night.
9:09: Nice play by Lugo to his glove side, Bill James immediately inflates his range factor by 10. Jeter out at first, Abreu down swinging, taquito down chewing. Bottom of the 7th.
9:14: I don't know how they do it, I don't care how they do it, but those taquitos are sex in pseudo-ethnic food form. Varitek singles against Pettitte, who threw 7 pitches in the 6th. I hate Jason Varitek. In a related story, this game is most likely not over with the score as it is now. Would like to see another 6-10 runs from the Yanks. Noone warming for the Yanks, as Count Chocula starts his long career of annoying me by fouling off pitches. Michael Kay missed a popup to the booth, and John Flaherty is giving him shit about it... endless fun with overweight, overblown TV announcers.
9:17: Crisp beats out a high throw from ARod. Fuck it, give him the error. Didn't set himself, should've thrown to second. Gator Guidry out to talk to Pettitte. Two men on for powerhouse Wily Mo Pena, pinch hitting for Eckstein Pedroia. I smell a comeback. FUCK.
9:20: Wily Mo whiffs on a high change, 0-2. Pettitte toying with outside cutters... should be thinking about high fastball here, although he wants double play. Andy JUUUUST missed with a backdoor cutter... Randy Marsh strikes again. A rare non-seated Joe Torre shot in the dugout... Andy's gone if he doesn't get Pena here. Happy birthday to Don Mattingly, btw. WHIIIIIFFAH for Wily Mo and Andy collects the K. Big time players make big time plays, that's all I have to say about that. Torre out to collect his veteran lefty, the Proctologist coming in to face Lugo.
9:25: Tenth game for Proctor, Yanks have played 15. Something tells me he'll be hitting 100 innings again. I like him though, he's got a mistress in my hometown of SI. He induces Lugo to pop up to right. Kevin "the only Jewish Greek Major Leaguer" Youklis at the dish. He pops out to the fourth person in the holy trinity (or would it be quadrangle?), and ARod puts it away. 5-2 Janks, top eight.
9:35: JC Romero out as official sacrificial lamb of the Sawx 'pen. ARod continues his ungodliness by rapping a double down the line and the Giambino knocks him in with a flare to right. Few would take the extra base on JD Drew, but ARod caught him calculating exactly how much he fucked the Dodgers last year and took home. Nice baserunning there, as Kevin "Black Bubba Crosby" Thompson comes in to run for Giambi. A fielder's choice from Nieves drops Thompson at second, Cano facing the funky lefty now, cracking a line single off of the wall in left. Pink-hatted whores leave the game to turn a quick trick on Landsdowne street before heading back to Southie.
9:39: Kyle Snyder, doing his best Bronson Arroyo impersonation, right down to the unwashed hair, comes in. Melky up with men on first and third, he looks a liiiiiittle lost out there. Two terrible swings later, it's 0-2. Brim-high fastball strikes him out, 2 down with 2 on.
9:45: Mintkayvitz up, as Kay pimps his interview with Quentin Tarantino on "Awkward Conversations with People More Famous Than Me aka: Centerstage." George must've been high on oxygen when he approved that nonsense. Minty walks, Damon up with the bases juiced. As I recall, I was more afraid of Damon with the bases loaded when he was on the Sawx than anyone else besides Papi or ManRam. Something about putting the ball in play consistently... anyway, he bats .407 with the bases loaded. Jus showed a clip of a game in 2004 when he hit a grand slam off of Javier Vazquez. Kay said it was from the ALCS of that year, but that can't be right, because they cancelled it after Game 6. Damon grounds out and we are through seven and a half.
9:49: Taquitos make their presence known to my stomach. My stomach is having none of their Mexican antics. Tomfoolery ensues.
9:51: Mike "But I'm Left-Handed, Coach!" Myers in to face Ortiz, who greets him with a smash into left center. Papi then hilariously tumbles into second base in a good imitation of a drunk father of four at the company softball game. Myers hits the showers, having failed at doing the one thing the Yankees have him on the roster for. Thanks, Mike! Luis Vizcaino coming in, and I would be stupid not to mention that the odds of a two-run ManRam blast just went up 300%.
9:55: Strikes one and two sail by the comatose Ramirez, who looks like he would like to be anywhere but on a baseball field right now. Mariano warming in the 'pen. Interesting.
9:57: Vizcaino has now gone 3-2 on Manny. I, for one, don't trust this guy. He has Jay Witasick written all over him. Aaaand he walked him. Gator adjusts his 'stache and heads out to talk. JD Drew stops counting his money in the dugout and comes out for an AB. Cano throws him out on a grounder and there's one away.
10:00: Lowell out there now, Flaherty actually being very insightful, talking about how he only has pull power, and that they should keep the ball away from him. He grounds one past a suddenly immobile, diving Rodriguez and Ortiz scores. 6-3 Janks and my ass puckers just a little bit. They are going to Rivera. WOW. This game clearly very important, probably with upcoming pitching matchups being what they are.
10:03: Showing clips of Marco Scutaro hitting his first homerun in two years off Mariano not the right segue into this inning. Varitek stands in against the best reliever in the history of baseball. In a related story, the Yankees don't have any saves, which is killing my fantasy team. I need to focus here.
10:05: Mo showing that two-seamer he's been tinkering with for three years now, seems to have it working. Tek down 1-2. Rips a single into right and I'm swearing out loud. Completely predictably, Coco Crisp rips a two RBI triple into right, tying the game. Mariano is now 0-2 on save opportunities. Cora hit, 7-6 Red Sox. This is officially ridiculous. Cora caught stealing and Mariano is completely out of it, just threw one to the backstop. Papelbon not warming in the 'pen as Mariano strikes out Lugo. Okajima to pitch the 9th.
10:12: Due up? Jeter, Abreu, ARod. Nah, it'll never happen. No way will the Yankees come back. Not against a Japanese lefthanded reliever.
10:15: Here we go, Hideki Okajima (not a typo) pitching the 9th. 8Ks in 6.1 IP, I am not optimistic. Joel Pineiro warming in case there's any trouble. Which is like saying they'll bring in Mengele for a surgical consult. This Okajima fellow looks ABOUT thirteen years old. Bounces one to Jeter, replay shows that he DOESN'T LOOK AT HOME PLATE when he releases the ball. Scary.
10:18: 2-0 to the Cap'n. Terry Francona smiling in the dugout... he's a real smug prick. Jeter grounds out to second. Abreu coming up.
10:19: No way Abreu gets on and ARod hits a home run... no way. 1-0 to El Commanduce (actual John Sterling nickname, btw). Nasty slider has Abreu down 1-2. Abreu has balls of steel, watching a fastball brush by the outside corner, 3-2.
10:22: He walked him!! (!!) ARod up against whoever Francona decides to let face him. Gonna let the lefty handle him... 0-1. 1-1 on a not-so-close outside fastball. 2-1 on a nickel curve out past the outside corner. 3-1 on a curveball, gonna walk him for Kevin Thomson, Torre will counter with Josh Phelps. 3-2 on a nasty looking curveball over the inside corner. Very odd pitch selection. Line drive at Alex Cora, 2 outs. ::Sigh:: Kevin Thompson will bat, so Torre waves the white flag apparently. What a oddly managed fucking game out of Torre, and now I'm pissed. In retrospect, having a moment while Kevin Thompson prolongs my agony, Torre doesn't have anyone else to catch, so he needs Phelps to pinch hit for Nieves, can't use DH if you make him a catcher. Fuck you, Red Sox.
Curt Schilling is Fat, and Other Observations
Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Coming to you live from Queens, NY... I give you Rough Justice's game log.
6:57: I am perched anxiously at my laptop watching ESPN's pre-game coverage. Boy, noone scares me quite so much as Manny and Papi batting a combined .900 against Andy Pettitte. Very comforting, considering Schilling, while fat, is dominating against the Yankees.
7:00: Aaaand, thank god I realized the game is actually on YES. At least that saved me from hearing Steve Phillips blow himself about what an awesome evaluator of talent he is. Mo Vaughn? Robbie Alomar? I give you a hearty "go fuck yourself" from my Mets brethren, sir.
7:01: Michael Kay, while pompous and probably kind of a dick, is decent when backed up by a decent color guy. Too bad John Flaherty is co-announcing. Where have you gone Jim Kaat?
7:02: I can't possibly keep this up... but I'll be damned if I won't try.
7:05: Schilling is now showing off his bright green Red Sox Jersey in the 'pen. Boy is that hideous. Say what you want about the Yanks, their uniforms are the very definition of class.
7:07: Is Fenway the best stadium in the major leagues? Maybe, but I've never been. Thoughts?
7:09: And the green-clad Red Sox take the field, gay fans everywhere sob in unison. They are apparently honoring the Celtics. Whoopdy doo. Would you see the Yanks honoring the Knicks with orange and blue? Didn't think so. Truly atrocious.
7:10: Chubs takes his warmups, and we are ready for baseball. Flaherty tells us that Schilling works the umps. He looks like he ate a few.
7:12: Tito gives Torre a nod that is more suited to a prison greeting. Sure, there are no hard feelings from that 5 game sweep last August. Damon grounds out to Dustin Eckstein, who I can already tell has three dink RBI hits in him this series. Jeter pops out on one pitch. Terrific. An overweight, huffing-puffing Schilling will finish the inning with eight pitches.
7:13: Bobby Abreu has never swung at a first pitch. Read more about this in my new book, "Hyperbole - How I Make Shit Up and Make It Sound Believeable." He flies out to Milton Crisp in center on the third pitch of the at-bat.
7:16: Good to see Julio Lugo back in the saddle, a weaker man would just beat his wife all day... too soon? Pettitte looking like he's gonna keep the ball down early.
7:19: After a Lugo groundout to Captain Clutch, Kevin "I'm Not A Hitter I Jus Walk Alot" Youkilis takes one in the hands, almost in the face. Awesome, a beanball war with Schilling. Thanks Andy. Ten bucks says ARod eats some dirt leading off the second. Now Ortiz, with a man on, will no doubt punish Pettitte for being less ethnic than him.
7:20: Shot of Manny's dreadlocks made me throw up in my mouth. Will he even show up to the Hall of Fame when he's inducted? Or will he be too busy posing for EBay pics with his neighbor's grill? Ortiz walks on four pitches and the Sox are set up with Manny, a righty, against Pettitte, a lefty. Poor decisions are being made, and I can't stop it.
7:21: DOUBLE PLAY! Yay. Cano stops and has a Fenway frank while he waits for Ortiz to get to second.
7:24: Arod up. Apparently, he only had 5 RBIs in the 9th inning ALL OF LAST YEAR. This year? Seven through 14 games. Interesting to note. Schilling drops a 2-1 curveball under his bat for the second strike. Ends in a deep flyout to center, hit one-handed. Ball is REALLY carrying off his bat.
7:26: Phone call from Neil (his real name) as Giambi steps in. Popout to Manny, 2 gone. Hiphip Jorge drives one to deep left center, but Coco Chanel puts it away for the third out. Looking forward to seeing this bottom third of the Sawx order in action, or rather, inaction. Also, wondering if that decision not to eat yet today will come back and haunt me. My guess? Massive 7-11 run in the near future. Mmm, taquitos.
7:30: JD Drew was nice enough to show up for the game, Kay comments on his lack of "fire." Maybe it's the millions of dollars he's being paid to play a game. Of course, as I write that, he lines a single to right. I fucking hate the Red Sox.
7:32: Mike Lowell sucks, but bats .700 against the Yankees. That's fair. Double play it is. Two down, the Artist Formerly Known as Jason Varitek up. I am reminded less than fondly of the time he punched ARod in the face when he was still wearing his mask. Real tough, douchebag. Thank being said, if Posada ever ages 10 years like 'Tek did, I'm going to kill myself. Groundout to ARod and this game is moving pretty damned fast.
7:37: Kei Igawa's teeth need fixing. We don't tolerate that shit here in the States, Iggie. Robbie Cano (inaugural Staten Island Yankee) at the plate. Japanese Dunkin' Donuts sign is getting too much attention, show me the goddamned game already. 3-0 on Cano, one of the hardest people to walk on the entire team. Manny woke up in time to bungle a diving catch, single for Robbie.
7:40: Melky looks like he put on a little bulk... not necessarily a good thing. Kay refers to Schilling as "chatty." I call Stalin "aloof." Melky rips a single to center and Big Schill wipes some cannoli cream off his face with his glove. Least he's not using it on the ball, Kenny.
7:42: Doogie Mintkayvitch (phonetic) drops down a bunt (USEFUL!) and there's men on second and third for Damon. Schilling complains to the ump about a pitch (might be right), sandwich falls out of his back pocket, Damon grounds to short, RBI. Nice little sequence there. With Jeter up, Schilling keeps moaning about the outside corner, gets a pitch called a strike that was a foot outside. God I hate him.
7:46: Aaaand he walks him anyway. Abreu up, men on first and third. First pitch, 82 mph on the YES gun... but it looked like a fastball. Hmm. Kay comments by saying, "Schilling came into camp a little heavy..." I comment on David Ortiz being a person of color. I can play the state the obvious game, too. Abreu gets punched out as Schilling catches his breath from walking off the mound. 1-0 Janks, middle third.
7:50: Cigarette break.
7:55: Ahhhh. Much better. Pettitte gets the first two outs easily. 2 strikes on Lugo, shots of Red Sox bullpen, swear I see Lefty out there warming up, dodging Mike Timlin's tobacco spittle. Fuckface behind the plate isn't giving Andy the inside corner. Try crying like Fatso, Andy. Lugo walks.
7:59: A small child falls out of Youklis's goatee. Andy shows off his move to first. First crowd shots of front-running female Red Sox fans in their pink hats. My hatred grows. I'm begging Pettitte, after three hard hit foul balls on inside cutters, to drop a deuce in there. Infield single, as Jeter fails to make his signature play on a throw to second. Sigh. Now I have to hear about range factor and other bullshit defensive stats for the next week.
8:04: Ortiz shwwwwwingin at a slow curveball, 0-1. Grounds out to Cano in short right as I wipe drool from my face thinking of taquitos. What's the deal with these fucking Crunchers commercials? If it's a show, I'm not watching, so stop already.
8:06: Arod up again. Boos aren't as loud as I remember, maybe they are thinking he'll opt out and play for them. I cry on the inside. Michael Kay blows the call as Arod goes deep to left. AN A-BOMB, FROM A-ROD, and the Yankees take a 2-0 lead. Girls in pink Boston hats leave their seats to go give tug jobs in the Fenway mensrooms.
8:10: The Giambino goes down on strikes as Schilling stops the game to go blog about how bad he feels that he gave up a homerun to Arod. Topical huuuuuuumor. Splitter in the dirt and Posada has a 2-2 count. Manny loses his hat chasing a pop double into the corner, legions of rastafarians ask him to put it back on to save their image.
8:13: Cano grounds out to first, moving Posada to third (which is good, because he is a notoriously terrible baserunner and would not have scored on a base hit from second). Melkman gets HOSED on an inside strike call and I am getting legitimately angry at the blind bastard in the umpire costume. Melky flies out to center, Schilling retrieves the powdered doughnut he uses as a rosin bag. Middle of the fourth, 2-0 Janks.
8:18: Posada's out of the game, no word on the injury. Alarms sound in the empty Yankee catching prospect office. Manny up, 2 strikes... then down looking. Nieves DOES present a better target, but has zero hits on the season. Anyone have my cousin Sal Fasano's number?
8:20: Carl Pavano and JD Drew, both lacking fire? Interesting little conversation between Flaherty and Kay here. Anytime a 30 million dollar pitcher is likened to JD Drew, it's time to cut ties. Drew singles into right, trapped by Abreu on the dive.
8:22: Lowell listed as former Yankee prospect. Who gives a shit? Is there a more non-descript player? JD Drew caught stealing even thought Pettitte threw that pitch into the ground, nice arm, Nieves.
8:24: Fucking Mike Lowell singles off the wall, I will refrain from insulting any Boston player while they are at bat from now on. Crash Varitek steps in. Gets beaten BADLY on an 88mph fastball, large plastic fork lodges itself in his back. Of course, as per the agreement with God and Satan, he immediately goes opposite field to tie the game. I hate the Red Sox.
8:25: Pettitte loses the strike zone, Coco Puffs does him a favor by tapping to short. 2-2 top of the fifth. I am now officially starving to death, although you wouldn't know it from looking at me. There will be a taquitos break after the top of the 5th, and the second half of the blog will begin when I return from 711.
8:31: We are reminded of Doogie's role on the 2004 World Series. Since that series wasn't played, I don't know what they are talking about. Suddenly, I've developed a tic.
8:32: Schilling WON'T STOP WHINING... 3-2 to Mintkayvitch, who flies out to Cereal Boy in deep center. Kay criticizing the non-signing of Damon by the Sawx, while excoriating (pah) Bobo McAwfulname, Boston's current centerfielder. Of course, Damon goes down looking, as Randy Marsh wipes Schilling's semen off the inside of his umpire's mask. Posada's out with a bruised thumb, victim of a Pettitte cutter.
8:36: Cap'n Jeter at the dish, 2-2 count. Rips a base hit to left to give Abreu a chance to stop watching strikes go by. Schilling stalking around the mound looking for his World of Warcraft emote list so he can bitch on the Internets about Marsh's strike zone. Kay says that Schilling "doesn't want to feed him a 2-0 cookie..." I refuse to make the easy joke. Abreu singles to right, first and second for ARod, who can go a looong way with a little poke here. That is what she said, in case you're wondering.
8:41: Curt's velocity up to 93 all of a sudden, check him for performance enhancing condiments. He's thrown 81 pitches through 4.2 innings... Yanks can smell that terrible middle relief and are salivating. 94mph on an inside fastball, ARod swings through it. Schilling hangs a slider aaaaaaand SEE YA!!! ANOTHER HOMERUN FOR ALEX RODRIGUEZ!!! Terrible O'Fieldpants ends up over the low wall into the Boston bullpen. ARod has 30 RBIs in 15 games. In a related story, I am now fully erect.
8:46: Giambi singles, Nieves grounds out. 5-2 Jankees, taquito time. Back after the break with the second half of the game.
6:57: I am perched anxiously at my laptop watching ESPN's pre-game coverage. Boy, noone scares me quite so much as Manny and Papi batting a combined .900 against Andy Pettitte. Very comforting, considering Schilling, while fat, is dominating against the Yankees.
7:00: Aaaand, thank god I realized the game is actually on YES. At least that saved me from hearing Steve Phillips blow himself about what an awesome evaluator of talent he is. Mo Vaughn? Robbie Alomar? I give you a hearty "go fuck yourself" from my Mets brethren, sir.
7:01: Michael Kay, while pompous and probably kind of a dick, is decent when backed up by a decent color guy. Too bad John Flaherty is co-announcing. Where have you gone Jim Kaat?
7:02: I can't possibly keep this up... but I'll be damned if I won't try.
7:05: Schilling is now showing off his bright green Red Sox Jersey in the 'pen. Boy is that hideous. Say what you want about the Yanks, their uniforms are the very definition of class.
7:07: Is Fenway the best stadium in the major leagues? Maybe, but I've never been. Thoughts?
7:09: And the green-clad Red Sox take the field, gay fans everywhere sob in unison. They are apparently honoring the Celtics. Whoopdy doo. Would you see the Yanks honoring the Knicks with orange and blue? Didn't think so. Truly atrocious.
7:10: Chubs takes his warmups, and we are ready for baseball. Flaherty tells us that Schilling works the umps. He looks like he ate a few.
7:12: Tito gives Torre a nod that is more suited to a prison greeting. Sure, there are no hard feelings from that 5 game sweep last August. Damon grounds out to Dustin Eckstein, who I can already tell has three dink RBI hits in him this series. Jeter pops out on one pitch. Terrific. An overweight, huffing-puffing Schilling will finish the inning with eight pitches.
7:13: Bobby Abreu has never swung at a first pitch. Read more about this in my new book, "Hyperbole - How I Make Shit Up and Make It Sound Believeable." He flies out to Milton Crisp in center on the third pitch of the at-bat.
7:16: Good to see Julio Lugo back in the saddle, a weaker man would just beat his wife all day... too soon? Pettitte looking like he's gonna keep the ball down early.
7:19: After a Lugo groundout to Captain Clutch, Kevin "I'm Not A Hitter I Jus Walk Alot" Youkilis takes one in the hands, almost in the face. Awesome, a beanball war with Schilling. Thanks Andy. Ten bucks says ARod eats some dirt leading off the second. Now Ortiz, with a man on, will no doubt punish Pettitte for being less ethnic than him.
7:20: Shot of Manny's dreadlocks made me throw up in my mouth. Will he even show up to the Hall of Fame when he's inducted? Or will he be too busy posing for EBay pics with his neighbor's grill? Ortiz walks on four pitches and the Sox are set up with Manny, a righty, against Pettitte, a lefty. Poor decisions are being made, and I can't stop it.
7:21: DOUBLE PLAY! Yay. Cano stops and has a Fenway frank while he waits for Ortiz to get to second.
7:24: Arod up. Apparently, he only had 5 RBIs in the 9th inning ALL OF LAST YEAR. This year? Seven through 14 games. Interesting to note. Schilling drops a 2-1 curveball under his bat for the second strike. Ends in a deep flyout to center, hit one-handed. Ball is REALLY carrying off his bat.
7:26: Phone call from Neil (his real name) as Giambi steps in. Popout to Manny, 2 gone. Hiphip Jorge drives one to deep left center, but Coco Chanel puts it away for the third out. Looking forward to seeing this bottom third of the Sawx order in action, or rather, inaction. Also, wondering if that decision not to eat yet today will come back and haunt me. My guess? Massive 7-11 run in the near future. Mmm, taquitos.
7:30: JD Drew was nice enough to show up for the game, Kay comments on his lack of "fire." Maybe it's the millions of dollars he's being paid to play a game. Of course, as I write that, he lines a single to right. I fucking hate the Red Sox.
7:32: Mike Lowell sucks, but bats .700 against the Yankees. That's fair. Double play it is. Two down, the Artist Formerly Known as Jason Varitek up. I am reminded less than fondly of the time he punched ARod in the face when he was still wearing his mask. Real tough, douchebag. Thank being said, if Posada ever ages 10 years like 'Tek did, I'm going to kill myself. Groundout to ARod and this game is moving pretty damned fast.
7:37: Kei Igawa's teeth need fixing. We don't tolerate that shit here in the States, Iggie. Robbie Cano (inaugural Staten Island Yankee) at the plate. Japanese Dunkin' Donuts sign is getting too much attention, show me the goddamned game already. 3-0 on Cano, one of the hardest people to walk on the entire team. Manny woke up in time to bungle a diving catch, single for Robbie.
7:40: Melky looks like he put on a little bulk... not necessarily a good thing. Kay refers to Schilling as "chatty." I call Stalin "aloof." Melky rips a single to center and Big Schill wipes some cannoli cream off his face with his glove. Least he's not using it on the ball, Kenny.
7:42: Doogie Mintkayvitch (phonetic) drops down a bunt (USEFUL!) and there's men on second and third for Damon. Schilling complains to the ump about a pitch (might be right), sandwich falls out of his back pocket, Damon grounds to short, RBI. Nice little sequence there. With Jeter up, Schilling keeps moaning about the outside corner, gets a pitch called a strike that was a foot outside. God I hate him.
7:46: Aaaand he walks him anyway. Abreu up, men on first and third. First pitch, 82 mph on the YES gun... but it looked like a fastball. Hmm. Kay comments by saying, "Schilling came into camp a little heavy..." I comment on David Ortiz being a person of color. I can play the state the obvious game, too. Abreu gets punched out as Schilling catches his breath from walking off the mound. 1-0 Janks, middle third.
7:50: Cigarette break.
7:55: Ahhhh. Much better. Pettitte gets the first two outs easily. 2 strikes on Lugo, shots of Red Sox bullpen, swear I see Lefty out there warming up, dodging Mike Timlin's tobacco spittle. Fuckface behind the plate isn't giving Andy the inside corner. Try crying like Fatso, Andy. Lugo walks.
7:59: A small child falls out of Youklis's goatee. Andy shows off his move to first. First crowd shots of front-running female Red Sox fans in their pink hats. My hatred grows. I'm begging Pettitte, after three hard hit foul balls on inside cutters, to drop a deuce in there. Infield single, as Jeter fails to make his signature play on a throw to second. Sigh. Now I have to hear about range factor and other bullshit defensive stats for the next week.
8:04: Ortiz shwwwwwingin at a slow curveball, 0-1. Grounds out to Cano in short right as I wipe drool from my face thinking of taquitos. What's the deal with these fucking Crunchers commercials? If it's a show, I'm not watching, so stop already.
8:06: Arod up again. Boos aren't as loud as I remember, maybe they are thinking he'll opt out and play for them. I cry on the inside. Michael Kay blows the call as Arod goes deep to left. AN A-BOMB, FROM A-ROD, and the Yankees take a 2-0 lead. Girls in pink Boston hats leave their seats to go give tug jobs in the Fenway mensrooms.
8:10: The Giambino goes down on strikes as Schilling stops the game to go blog about how bad he feels that he gave up a homerun to Arod. Topical huuuuuuumor. Splitter in the dirt and Posada has a 2-2 count. Manny loses his hat chasing a pop double into the corner, legions of rastafarians ask him to put it back on to save their image.
8:13: Cano grounds out to first, moving Posada to third (which is good, because he is a notoriously terrible baserunner and would not have scored on a base hit from second). Melkman gets HOSED on an inside strike call and I am getting legitimately angry at the blind bastard in the umpire costume. Melky flies out to center, Schilling retrieves the powdered doughnut he uses as a rosin bag. Middle of the fourth, 2-0 Janks.
8:18: Posada's out of the game, no word on the injury. Alarms sound in the empty Yankee catching prospect office. Manny up, 2 strikes... then down looking. Nieves DOES present a better target, but has zero hits on the season. Anyone have my cousin Sal Fasano's number?
8:20: Carl Pavano and JD Drew, both lacking fire? Interesting little conversation between Flaherty and Kay here. Anytime a 30 million dollar pitcher is likened to JD Drew, it's time to cut ties. Drew singles into right, trapped by Abreu on the dive.
8:22: Lowell listed as former Yankee prospect. Who gives a shit? Is there a more non-descript player? JD Drew caught stealing even thought Pettitte threw that pitch into the ground, nice arm, Nieves.
8:24: Fucking Mike Lowell singles off the wall, I will refrain from insulting any Boston player while they are at bat from now on. Crash Varitek steps in. Gets beaten BADLY on an 88mph fastball, large plastic fork lodges itself in his back. Of course, as per the agreement with God and Satan, he immediately goes opposite field to tie the game. I hate the Red Sox.
8:25: Pettitte loses the strike zone, Coco Puffs does him a favor by tapping to short. 2-2 top of the fifth. I am now officially starving to death, although you wouldn't know it from looking at me. There will be a taquitos break after the top of the 5th, and the second half of the blog will begin when I return from 711.
8:31: We are reminded of Doogie's role on the 2004 World Series. Since that series wasn't played, I don't know what they are talking about. Suddenly, I've developed a tic.
8:32: Schilling WON'T STOP WHINING... 3-2 to Mintkayvitch, who flies out to Cereal Boy in deep center. Kay criticizing the non-signing of Damon by the Sawx, while excoriating (pah) Bobo McAwfulname, Boston's current centerfielder. Of course, Damon goes down looking, as Randy Marsh wipes Schilling's semen off the inside of his umpire's mask. Posada's out with a bruised thumb, victim of a Pettitte cutter.
8:36: Cap'n Jeter at the dish, 2-2 count. Rips a base hit to left to give Abreu a chance to stop watching strikes go by. Schilling stalking around the mound looking for his World of Warcraft emote list so he can bitch on the Internets about Marsh's strike zone. Kay says that Schilling "doesn't want to feed him a 2-0 cookie..." I refuse to make the easy joke. Abreu singles to right, first and second for ARod, who can go a looong way with a little poke here. That is what she said, in case you're wondering.
8:41: Curt's velocity up to 93 all of a sudden, check him for performance enhancing condiments. He's thrown 81 pitches through 4.2 innings... Yanks can smell that terrible middle relief and are salivating. 94mph on an inside fastball, ARod swings through it. Schilling hangs a slider aaaaaaand SEE YA!!! ANOTHER HOMERUN FOR ALEX RODRIGUEZ!!! Terrible O'Fieldpants ends up over the low wall into the Boston bullpen. ARod has 30 RBIs in 15 games. In a related story, I am now fully erect.
8:46: Giambi singles, Nieves grounds out. 5-2 Jankees, taquito time. Back after the break with the second half of the game.
Game Log
The next post will cover my emotional outbursts as tonight's Red Sox-Yankees game unfolds. Enjoy, because finals are coming up and I will be even more scarce.
-RJ
-RJ
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I'm a Douche
Yeah yeah, law school and all that, but my attentions have been waning of late. Tomorrow, I promise a massive post with my thoughts on, in no particular order:
1. Dice-K.
2. Andy Pettitte's new mechanics.
3. Kei Igawa.
4. Yankees and Sawx.
5. Brian Bruney for Cy Young.
Yours in exhaustion and frustration,
RJ
1. Dice-K.
2. Andy Pettitte's new mechanics.
3. Kei Igawa.
4. Yankees and Sawx.
5. Brian Bruney for Cy Young.
Yours in exhaustion and frustration,
RJ
Friday, April 6, 2007
2 Words: DICE-K
Wow. Just wow. That's about all I can muster up when trying to convey how I feel about Dice-k.
The line: 7innings 1 ER 10k's 1 walk and a small scattering of hits. No real trouble.
Every single one of his pitches move. They aren't big looping pitches, but rather sharp, late breaks. Every pitch he throws has this late break to it by the way. Oh yea, He throws 7 pitches effectively. 7 pitches? Are you serious? Yes. I am very serious.
This guy is a flat out stud in every sense of the word. His delivery, his demeanor, his control, his movement all are just so fluid and precise, he just LOOKS unflappable. This man is going to be a force in this league. Things are looking up in beantown today.
One other note, he did not throw his gyroball. If and when I see this on something other than youtube I will be incapacitated due to excessive arousal so don't expect a post for a few days after that. I think Im in love.
-Dice-k's Lefty Specialist
The line: 7innings 1 ER 10k's 1 walk and a small scattering of hits. No real trouble.
Every single one of his pitches move. They aren't big looping pitches, but rather sharp, late breaks. Every pitch he throws has this late break to it by the way. Oh yea, He throws 7 pitches effectively. 7 pitches? Are you serious? Yes. I am very serious.
This guy is a flat out stud in every sense of the word. His delivery, his demeanor, his control, his movement all are just so fluid and precise, he just LOOKS unflappable. This man is going to be a force in this league. Things are looking up in beantown today.
One other note, he did not throw his gyroball. If and when I see this on something other than youtube I will be incapacitated due to excessive arousal so don't expect a post for a few days after that. I think Im in love.
-Dice-k's Lefty Specialist
Monday, April 2, 2007
In-Game Update
Okay. Terrible defensive game for the Yankees thus far (we are mid-7th right now). However, thanks to the heroics of Captain Clutch, we sit tied at 5, with only a bunch of previously released relievers standing between us and victory. When Pavano was removed in the 5th, there was a camera/sound error, leading the television broadcast to be just his face in the dugout for approximately 8-10 seconds. All I could think of was:
WHO WANTS TO SEX PAVANO?!
In-depth analysis this evening.
-RJ
WHO WANTS TO SEX PAVANO?!
In-depth analysis this evening.
-RJ
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